Oi Oi Oi

Sometimes you can't help but wonder what could have been? I am a person who would rather let the present dictate itself to me, fuck it with the past mistakes and take it slowly with the coming days, but lately i've been wanting to go back in time, a period where everything seems fine even if my life is on a reckoning phase.

I was jobless at that time, but i had the urgency to wake every morning with jubilant expectations. Thanks to someone. Right now, things are settled down but this weekend, with me getting stuck at home, i've been doing nothing but examining my life like a professor checking his student's paper, looking for ideas, conjuncture, flaws, errors and good points (if there are any?), i wonder if i'm living a deserted life. If everything is just water under the bridge, just existing because they ought to be there and not because it truly belongs.

Someone from the past, maybe i'm missing terribly or there are wounds that i continue to patch up, sew like a surgeon and forever hoping that it will heal in time (with aid of anti-biotics and pennicillin).  In short i continue to throw everything out the window, not within my reach and continually letting the onslaught of great winds take everything that matters to me to an entirely new course (unknown to me).

I'd rather not trouble myself with worries, but i'm filled with it. I cannot fake that everything is okay!, that within these confines i am actually living a free life. Maybe by definition of being free, but still enslaved by an image of bliss that is already a part of my life and will never happen again.

I mean, the exact image that rests in my mind right now.

Hope that another one will come and replace the ones that remained, maybe i'd moved on, maybe not.

Maybe its just the case of having nothing to do this weekend, maybe i just miss the beach, maybe i miss some friends, maybe i need a drink.

Maybe a beer will help....just enough for me to call it a night and go to sleep and rest my mind from wondering further.